"Coach Screws, Welcome To Tuscaloosa"

The town folk have grabbed their torches and pitchforks and killed the monster.
Mike Shula has been removed as head coach. Jim from Tuscaloosa and Shane from Center Point have lost their punching bag. I-man from Montgomery is in the recliner listening and laughing.

What will Paul Finebaum talk about now? I love Finebaum's show. But all the Shula drama
put a dent in my favorite part of Paul's show....which is in when authors call.
What many people don't know is that Paul would probably trade any coach interview for 20 minutes with Harper Lee. I have a Harper Lee story. But if I tell it, I would have to kill you, me, and one of my best friends.

But I digress

Mike Shula did what no Alabama coach can do. Lose consistently to Auburn. From what we hear, his second sin, was presenting a plan to Athletic Director Mal Moore on how to fix things for 2007 which contained little, if any, changes to his staff and approach.

Shula apparently thought the old saying was "if it's broke, don't touch it and hope it works out."

It's too bad actually. He is genuinely a nice guy and the team would have been better in 2007.
But it was obvious they had some serious issues on the offensive side of the ball. When they had the ball at the three on their first possession against Auburn, raise your hand if you really thought they were going to punch it in the end zone. Also, raise your hand if you thought they would do anything other than run the plays they ran.

Thought so.

Shula issues a nice statement and signed off "Roll Tide." Mal Moore now looks for a coach.
One thing to remember. Most people live from paycheck to paycheck. A two-week delay in a paycheck would have most people scrambling. Shula has a four million dollar buyout.
To put that in perspective, if you got paid five thousand dollars a week, you would run out of cash in about 20 years. I would take the job for half of what they were paying Shula.
I've applied and am keeping afternoons clear for the news conference to announce my new position as the head coach at Alabama.

My news conference

"Coach Screws, what makes you think you can do this job?"

"I was at Alabama when Coach Bryant was here."

"Coach Screws, what will your offensive philosophy be?"

"Score more points than the other team."

"Coach Screws, my name is Squid Nater. I'm a television sports anchor from Birmingham, and I would like to ask that with all your experience as a coach working with the people you have worked with and the style of people you've seen coach, I was wondering with 11 people on a field of play and a staff of 22, would you, could you, see yourself as the head coach when you were a little kid playing football in the front yard in Hartselle, Alabama and as an Alabama alum what were your influences from the years you listened to John Forney as a kid trying to get out of raking leaves in your yard. Can you talk about that?"

This would be a good time to fall back on watching Ray Perkins do news conferences when he was at Alabama.

"Sure, I could, but you wouldn't understand it."

But the one thing I would do for sure....my master stroke as the new head football coach at Alabama would be to fight the battle for the hearts and minds of Tide fans. The biggest mistake Shula made....ok the biggest mistake outside of not beating Auburn....was lose the battle for the hearts and minds of Alabama fans. Here is what I would do....

"My first move as Alabama head football coach is to introduce my personal public relations assistant. Ladies and Gentlemen, meet Paul Finebaum and his staff of Jim from Tuscaloosa, Shane from Center Point, and in a move to give those that need it an extra hand up in life, here is Elmo from God knows where."

I think that would work.