Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Getting On A Plane

I would just as soon have a colonscopy as get on a plane and fly anywhere.
That's a problem since my wife defines quality of life as how many times you fly to England in a year. Not my idea of fun. Heading to a country where a shallow gene pool of dunces gets the royal treatment does not foster optimism upon landing.

Flying to England. The only good thing about flying to England is they hate the French as much as we do. Plus the Euro is killing us right now and looks to be that way until either Chelsea or Jeb is in the White House.

It's getting nasty on airplanes. Pilots and flight attendants make DMV workers look downright Amish.

Mean. Nasty. Get on this plane now and shut up.

We're flying you to Disney Freakin' World. What more do you want? Tell your little pinhead son to sit down or I will call the tower and them he made a terrorist threat and I will park this damn plane. I don't care about your Orlando reservations!

When I do fly, I always say please and thank you to the flight staff. Rationalization it is. If they have to pick someone to throw off the plane at 37,000 feet, maybe it won't be me.

But I can't imagine working for an airline these days. Dealing with a general public that made reality TV shows...well...an unfortunate reality must be miserable.
Being rude is not unusual behavior these days. It's a birthright.

Flight attendants and pilots try to make the herd follow rules they didn't make.
It doesn't matter if you want to use your cell phone on a flight. The rule is you can't. The plane is landing. Sit your butt down. Yelling at the flight attendant won't help and will in fact get you kicked off.

Making the decision to drink nine beers before you go to the gate isn't the flight attendant's fault. Screaming "HEY YOUFF CANNNNNN NOT CAANAAAAAAAANCELL MY FLIGHTS I HAVE OREEEOLES TIZZEKETS TO TONIGHTS GAME" will not get you anywhere.

After much research, and not admitting to personal work, I have come to the conclusion that screaming when you are drunk is like revving your engine behind a police officer at a red light. You just draw attention to yourself that might be a bad idea.

Dealing with the public. The customer is always right. That might be old-school Mayberry now. In many arenas, like airports, the public now is loud. And arrogant. And abrasive. And just an expert on everything.

It's the world we're swimming in right now. A guy who listens to Rush all day isn't going to take any crap from a silly attendant telling him to sit down because 900 people are in front of him. Especially the guy who just bought the family vacation at The Grand Floridian in Orlando.

I'm not worried a baby crying on a plane. I worry about adults acting like babies
before, during, and after the flight.

The smartest thing I've ever seen on an office wall said STOP WHINING.
The same applies in airports. They're doing the best they possible can with rules that politicians make. Also, the attendants and pilot are following airline rules made to maximize profits, Not put passenger comfort or mental health at the top of the list. Not even the top 100 of the list.

When yo go to the airport, take a deep breath. Chill. Like life, your next airport excursion might be a long one.