Thursday, January 31, 2008

Did The War End?

I must have missed it. Did the war end? Where was I when we killed all the terrorists? The brave men and women are home?

Is the economy back on track? Is the mortgage crunch over? Are people able to stay in their homes now? I must have missed it when the every business and homeplace started hitting on all cylinders again.

Our schools? All problems in our schools are solved? I was asleep at the wheel apparently when every T was crossed and every I was dotted.

Is the presidential race on hiatus? Did Hillary and Barack take a break and go shopping? I missed it? Did McCain, Huckabee, Romney, and that Ron Paul guy whose fans keep calling and e-mailing go for a foursome at the local golf course? I missed it?

Is every problem in America solved? The quality of our life can't be improved in any way?

It must be. Cause when i turned on CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, MSNBC, Fox, and every other damn national news outlet this morning, all I saw was Britney Spears. Every news story has been advanced, fine-tuned, discussed, and analyzed in its entirety to the point that huge blocks of time and resources are now given to...Britney freakin' Spears.

Britney is going to the hospital. Britney has been to the hospital many times. I think its news when Britney doesn't go the hospital. In fact, in a week or so, when the current Britney drama is over, this should be the lead story: "World is good! Britney didn't go to the hospital."

Here is the short version of today's event in case you missed it.

Britney has an issue in the middle of the night.
Someone called an ambulance.
Ambulance picks her up.
Ambulance takes her to the hospital.
Britney admitted.
No confirmination of Dr. Phil being there....wait, He is on CBS morning show making a case that he did the right thing visited Britney the last time she was in the hospital.
(It's purely coincidental that Dr. Phil has a talk-show and the forklift that carries that monsterous ego parked at the hospital to help "Her Cajuness."
See: www.opportunisticgasbag.com

If you want the long version, go to any network morning news show when it comes to Britney. When it comes to the coverage of human debris slowing floating, sinking, and dying in the quicksand of life and culture, thank God we have every single movement, inside her body and out, covered to the nth degree.

It's embarrassing. The atom-by-atom disintegration of a celebrity now passes as important news. Call me when these people quit self-destructing. It was Anna Nicole yesterday. It's Britney today. And tomorrow's dysfunctional, socially maladjusted, trainwreck mega-star is just waiting in the wings of the next pathetic duo called celebrity parents to shove him/her/it on page one and into blazing glory. Some people have cattle. Celebrity parents have children.

And while they are waiting....plenty of airtime and column space will be waiting on them.

By the way, there are six people left in Presidential race, home foreclosures are up 75%, and almost 4,000 U.S. troops have died in a conflict that has lasted longer the World War Two.

Wonder when Britney is going home?

Monday, January 7, 2008

Sanchez Recruitment Signals Change in 2018.

Josele Sanchez can fly. He runs the 40 in 4.12 consistently.
He can throw a football 80 yards on a tight spiral while down on one knee.
4.0 GPA. Wants to go pre-med.

Alabama and Auburn want him badly. But they have competition.
USC, Ohio State, Florida, Michigan, and Oklahoma want him as well.

Josele however is committed to staying in the state of Alabama.
His mother and father run a Hispanic restaurant in Albertville and are in bad health.
They are illegal aliens. Their restaurant used to get burned out fairly regularly.
But that stopped when Josele started playing football and everyone realized how great he could be wearing either crimson or orange and blue.

No one can prove if Josele is an illegal alien or not.

"She was literally standing in the Rio Grande River when her water broke. The border guards were chasing her and she was trying to give birth to me. She literally had me while she was standing in the water.
They couldn't decide where she was standing when she gave birth so they gave her the benefit of the doubt and let me be an U.S. citizen."

Josele's father was sent back to Mexico, but immigration agents let mom stay with the baby.
After 48 hours in the hospital, she sneaked out with little Josele and headed to Alabama where her sister lived. His father made his way back to the U.S. and Alabama a few years later. It didn't take long for the future football star to find out what the locals thought of immigrants...legal or illegal.


"I didn't realize how much people hated us. But I went to a public hearing at Huntsville's Art Museum when I was 8. People shouted at my father when he wanted to speak. They shouted him down and called us names when we left. All he wanted to do was say he wanted a chance to work hard, and he wouldn't let them down."

Ten years later, they still call Josele names. But now it's franchise, blue-chip, and savior.

As little Josele became big Josele...6'6" and 230 pounds, the community wall of hatred towards
illegal immigrants and Hispanics changed mightily.

"I didn't care what country he was birthed in cause that boy could throw a football. Thanks to him we won two state championship here. Hell yeah, we love diversity now."

The mayor of Albertville, Sconley Hoggins, doesn't care about illegal immigrants. His boy "Little Sconley" coached Josele to those two state championships.

"Thanks to Josie, my boy got an offensive coordinator at Arkansas. He is in charge of recruiting any athletes that come out of Rio Grande."

Alabama and Auburn are locked in a heated battle to get Josele. But his legacy may not be as a football players. State legislators who are Auburn and Alabama graduates are involved.

Jeremiah Dinanhouse is a Republican from Andalusia. He wants Josele real bad.

"If he will go to Alabama, I will get a bill passed that will give illegal immigrants amnesty if they
pledge to support the Crimson Tide. I would love to see Josele's parents with the burrito
concessions at Saban-Bryant-Denny Stadium and also would love to see them get permanent amnesty."

Alvin Sampler, a Democrat from Gadsden and an Auburn fan, wants to see Josele in orange and blue.

"That damn Dinanhouse won't steal my boy. I have always supported the Hispanic athlete's right to better himself in Lee County. He will be more at home here in Lee County cause it's so hot here. "

And Sampler has legislation of his own to entice Josele Sanchez to wear the orange and blue.

"My bill would let illegal Hispanic immigrants work in the Auburn athletic department and if they did that I know they would be more than happy to sign up their kids to play football
at Tuberville-Jordan-Hare."

Signing day is soon. The son of illegal immigrants will pick who he is doing play football for, or more importantly, against.

For now, everyone is the state is feeling warm and fuzzy as dreams of Hispanic athletes dance in their heads. Excited about a pipeline of great athletes from Guadalajara. No need for those
world class athletes to play soccer when they could play football.

War Eagle or Roll Tide. Roll Tide or War Eagle.

Josele Sanchez will pick a side soon.

His parents picked a side. Standing in the middle of a the Rio Grande giving birth, Josele's mom was headed to the state of Alabama.

State football fans are glad she did.