Going Through The Door Didn't Help

I once wrote a poem called "The Door."
("The Door" is after today's blog.)

"The Door" talks about a person who lived through a short abusive relationship
which could have ended much worse than it did.
That person lived. Some don't.

The premise of the poem was to just go through the front door and don't look back.
You don't have to live with abuse...that your future is outside
where the sun shines, you can breath, and are safe.

The terror, desperation, and fear one bears in an abusive relationship
defies explanation. Intellectually, a person knows the relationship will end, and maybe end in a terrible way. But many stay, thinking it will get better and they can fix a dysfunctional, and potentially disastrous relalationship.

Many who bear the weight of abuse suffer the burden from being on an island.
In public, the facade masks what is going on at home.
Signs of an abusive relationship may not surface in a restaurant, having a drink with family and friends, or strolling through a museum and listening to music.

It boils over at home where no one else sees.

Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship.

An abuser will do everything he or she can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way

Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable.

In order to increase your dependence, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world.

Back to "The Door."

Walking through the door didn't help the Garners.

Tammy and Kevin Garner had a divorce hearing scheduled for a Morgan County courtroom.

In a court filing Tammy accused Kevin of being "physically and emotionally abusive...and extremely controlling throughout their marriage and growing worse in recent years.”

Kevin denied that saying he was "in all respects, a fit, proper and suitable person to be vested with the physical custody of the parties’ minor child.”

Both are now dead.

A variety of law enforcement agencies think Kevin killed Tammy, their daughter, his sister, and nephew. They think he drove back to Priceville where he set fire to his home and ended his own life.

Kevin lived in Priceville. Tammy lived in Greenhill. The trip from the Garner's front door was about 60 miles. Going through the door didn't help.

Kevin's parents have now lost a son, a daughter, two grandchildren, and a daughter-in-law.

Mindless blind rage wiped out a family's next generation. Blood on the ground.

Going through the door didn't help the Garners. The only people that could have saved them was family, friends, co-workers, and those who can pick up the often
very small signs that an abused person needs out.

If you think someone is being abused, pull them aside and ask them. Slip them the phone number to Crisis Services of North Alabama. It's 716-1000.


The Door

Survival means walking through the door.
Sunlight.
Air.
Safety.

Rescue yourself.
Do you want to live a long life?
See your grandkids?
You can walk out the door and don’t look back.

Going through the door means not taking a punch.
Going through the door means not hearing how you hold them hostage.
Going through the door means not crying in the shower to start, or while you cook dinner to end, the day.

What did you say to your best friend the last time you talked?
Your parents?
Your kids?
How will they remember you from that call?

Will you wake up?
Will you know?
Will your last moment offer a glimpse of rage fueled by fear, confusion, and darkness?
Will it matter to your family that you stayed to fight, fix, and solve the problem?

Go through the door.
Don’t look back.
Choose to live.
You can’t search through darkness and madness to find a hand that won’t reach back.