Alabama Cage Fighting and Sex Toys

The state of Alabama recently said cage fighting is not illegal. For those of you who don't know, cage fighting is where people pay money to basically beat the hell of each other.

The city of Hartselle recently asked the AG for an opinion on cage fighting's legal status. The timing was curious. The opinion was requested after the promoter moved his cage fights out of the city-owned recreation center to another venue.

I'm sure the timing of the request, and the subsequent visits by the fire marshall, were purely coincidental.

The AG says local municipalities can regulate cage fighting "to provide for the safety and health of the residents of the community."

I guess that means the safety and health of anyone who isn't actually getting their head kicked in cage fighting.


There is good news in Hartselle. At some point, every problem was fixed. Roads. Schools.
Crime. That wet-dry thing is an issue. But alcohol will be sold in Hartselle when Brittany Spears joins The 700 Club. Back to the problems. They have been solved to the point that the council and the mayor could take up the issue that I know is on the hearts of minds of many in that fair town.

Cage Fighting.

Now, this comes closely to the U.S. Supreme Court declining to hear a case about the sell of sex toys in Alabama. The AG says that Alabama can regulate the sell of sex toys. Sherrie Williams owns two stores in North Alabama called Pleasures. She has made a good living selling things that people use in the privacy of their own home. I'm not talking a battery operated device that makes waffles or smoothies.

Only people that cage fight would use waffle-makers and smoothie machines in the privacy of their own home. I'm no prude but third degree burns and whirling blades aren't a turn on to me.

But I digress.

So now the state of Alabama with a nod from the U.S. Supreme Court can regulate sex toys.

At this very moment in Alabama time, you can pay $40 to climb into a cage and start beating someone to a bloody pulp.

At this very moment in Alabama time, you cannot pay $40 to buy the Triple-Whiz-Earth Moving-Energizer-Fly-Spinner With Wings and take it home for use with the person or persons of your choice.

But there is a loophole in the law.

Of course there is. Loopholes are always written in laws in case a politician toe-tapping in a bathroom stall needs a break regular people who go to cage fights can't get.

So...I now can appreciate the brilliance of the Hartselle mayor and city council.

Oh. I'm sorry. I digress again.

The loophole is brilliant. If the device sold is for scientific, educational, and medical use, they will sell it if you have the money . If you go to Pleasures and and ask for a sex toy, they won't sell it to you. But if you go and ask for a battery operated machine that has high RPM's so you can make a salt map of South America, they will bag it up and ask if you need double-A's.

Educational. Scientific. Medicinal.

I wished I had studied harder in school. I was looking at those term papers in Mrs. Sims anatomy class all wrong.